Patella Expands - 12/06/2007

This weekend, David is sitting in the loft, playing Call of Duty 4 on-line. It's late and I am laying on the couch in the loft. I could go to bed, the bedroom door is 5 feet away. But I don't see David much except on the weekends, so I feel bad going to bed (he's a night owl). I compromise and lay on the upstairs couch with a blanket and pillow.

David's got his head set on and is talking to the guys on-line that he is playing with. I slip in and out of consciousness. Then I hear:

"Damn it. Negroes killed me!"

Huh??

I pop open an eye. I look at him and say "Honey?!? Why the heck are you saying 'Negroes' on-line?"

David stops, stares, and then starts laughing, hard. "I just got it!," he exclaims. He says it again to me: "Negroes." and then he spells it out: K. N. E. E. G. R. O. W. S. Knee Grows. One of the guys he is playing with has the screen name of Knee Grows.

And it took David a couple of hours to figure it out.

David's screen name? Lard Tub.

Touched - 12/01/2007

I was talking with Tampa-Sister today. I just called her to see what was up with her & hers. We discussed kids, potty training (kill me now), home sales, and got around to Christmas. I told her that this year, we decided that financially, we were not prepared to buy gifts for the 13 or so people on his side and the 10 or so on my side. This is not counting us and the kids, AND the fact that both David and Jacob have December birthdays. It's too much. I also told her about my paring down the Christmas card sending.

She said she and her mom (my step-mom) were talking about me this week. About how I am so good at seeking people out, seeing how they are, taking care of people, knowing what they need and being there for them. She said the way I am is a gift from God. That most people are not blessed with it and I should not let others ruin it for me. She knows people don't appreciate things much or say so, but she said she & her mom were discussing how special I am and wondering how the heck I do it. I was getting a lump in my throat and thanking her. I especially liked her "Don't let others ruin it for you" thing, because it is so true. Wanting validation and not getting it is a tough and embittering thing. Expecting people to validate what you do can set you up for huge disappointments. I am just trying not setting myself up for more, but I am also not letting myself become embittered (I hope). I want a shiny, happy world full of 1800's values, I suppose.


"Touched," Buffy Season 7, Episode 20

Must....Choke....Phone - 11/15/2007

I hate cell phones. It is no secret. I hate that people assume that the if a cell phone rings that we MUST answer it. We are so self-important that this phone call MUST be the end-all and be-all call. I know one who answers the cell phone while using the bathroom! Really? Is it THAT important that you cannot wait 3 minutes and check your call record? Or people who are in a conversation with a live person in front of them, their cell rings and they cut the live person off to answer the phone. How rude!

Let me explain something about me: If I am tired, watching tv, bathing my daughter, taking a nap, talking to my son, cooking dinner, reading a book, etc. etc. I might not answer the phone. Sorry. LEAVE A MESSAGE. I will get back to you; you know how great I am at keeping in touch.

I have a couple of people both at work and in my personal life who will:

1) ..beep me on the two-way and immediately start talking. I AM ON THE PHONE WITH A CUSTOMER and all I hear is someone talking very loudly about something they need. Here's a tip: Give a "Courtesy Chirp." Beep someone....and WAIT. Don't assume that because you have free time, that the person you are beeping is free. I've been in the bathroom at work and heard my two-way chirp and the person start talking. I'm in the can....away from the phone - I can't hear you!

2).....beep me or call me on the cell while I am on the land-line talking to someone. When I don't immediately answer the beep or call, they immediately call my office land-line. HELLO???? I did not answer the cell phone or radio for a REASON. Why didn't you leave a message? Don't immediately call back on the land-line. I am busy with the many people calling me needing something.

There is no cell-phone courtesy and it kills me. I don't understand the rudeness of taking calls in a meeting, in a restaurant, while talking to someone in person. STOP IT ALREADY.

Business in the Front - 11/07/07

For the past few months, I've had odd encounters with some neighbors. I use the term loosely, because they don't live on my street. They live on one of the streets that my street intersects. This street is the "back" way to the Wal-Mart that's less than a mile away, hidden (for now) by trees. I use the "back way" only when I go to Wal-Mart. In going this way, I often pass by the Burnt Orange Hummer House. (The Hummer's orange, not the house). Often-times I pass the Hummer itself driving on the street. The driver, I can't tell if it's a he or a she, emphatically WAVES at me. Full-on spaztic "HEY THERE" waving. I have no idea who they are. We have never met, never spoken. *I* think they are confusing me with another Silver Jeep like mine whose owner lives somewhere in this neighborhood and I have seen a few times. I'll lamely wave and kind-of shrug. Sometimes, I'll drive by their house, and the lady of the house waves enthusiastically at me as I drive by. I smile and wave back. No clue who they are.

David and I are driving the back way from Wal-Mart one day and it reminds me to tell him about Hummer people. Right as I start to say "Oh, yea. There's these people in a Hummer...." the Hummer drives by and arms wave happily. I wave and finish my story with a "See?? See?? Who are they?" David doesn't know them either.

This Saturday, as I come back from buying something I am sure we needed, I pass by Hummer House. Never again shall it be called "Hummer House," because...as I drove by and waved back at the man riding the lawn mower, all I could think was...."Business in the Front, Party in the Back."



The man possessed the most perfect, most fantastic, most mulletastical mullet EVER. Pin straight LONG black hair, stopping right at his lower back. Oh, yes indeed there is a party in the back. Spikey short hair up front, for those board meetings.

Mullet Mansion man and I, waving emphatically back, will share that memory forever.

He slides into home...and he's SAFE! - 10/15/2007

We're in the kitchen and Jake's complaining about one of his teachers, who is apparently tone-sensitive ("she's always telling us to stop yelling, but we're not yelling"), cranky and 100 years old. "She's like....50, mom!" (Fifty is like....12 years away for me, dude.) He proceeds to explain how she has these wicked big arms that flap when she waves her arms, while yelling at kids to stop yelling. I flippantly say "Yea, big like mine," and proceed to jiggle my own arm fat. He says "No, her arm fat is WAY bigger than your arm...." He stops, mid-sentence. "You have no arm fat mom. None." Pause. ................ "Nice save, huh mom?"

"Toootally," I say.

Crazy Love - 10/08/2007

• In the 12+ years I have been working where I work, the office has been in the same area. We've moved twice in my 12+ years there, but we've moved exactly 2 streets over from where I started. In my 12 years, on various lunch breaks and such, I have seen an odd couple. They are always walking from various places, running various errands. Sometimes they are pulling a cart full of groceries behind them. Sometimes they are walking their bikes through the intersection. They are always primly dressed. The old man is in his 70's. His midsection is round, his pressed pants held up by suspenders. He wears pressed-long sleeved shirts, regardless of the Florida heat and always wears a baseball cap. His companion is a man in his 50's. He wears nicely pressed slacks, pulled up past his stomach, held firmly by a belt. He is often wearing plaid long sleeved shirts, his hair reaches the nape of his neck, but it is always neatly in place, slicked back by some product. He's a little slow; maybe disabled. The old man takes him everywhere; holds his hand as they cross the streets of our city. I think of them as father & son. Dad taking care of his son. Last week, after 12 years of seeing them, I saw they younger of the two, plaid shirt, slacks pulled too high, belt, sandals & socks....walking alone. Down the street passing the CVS. And my heart hiccuped for just a second. Just one. Where's dad? Is he ok? Is son just out for a walk on his own? Where's dad? Who'll take care of the son? He seems ok, nicely pressed pants. I have to turn left now, I can't see where he's going. Who'll hold his hand when he crosses the street?

Into the Woods - 02/25/2007

The Flea Market and Super Wal-mart. Two very similar places. A place where the melting pot that is America boils over. I actually don't mind the idea of Wal-Mart. Let me get 'things cheap' (that is different than 'cheap things', which they also carry). Just please dear Lord, let me get out of there in one piece. I have never seen more miserable people than I see when I am at Wal-Mart. No one can smile, patrons and employees alike. I try to be chipper, but by the time I am out of there, my energy is drained. It's almost like a free-for-all. Patrons pushing their shopping carts without looking at what's around the next bend and then getting upset at hitting the person with the right-of-way. People stopping in the middle of the aisle, rather than to the left or right, so you can't get by. I prefer Target. They are building a new Super Wal-Mart a stone's throw from my street, but I would rather go to the Target near my office during my lunch break, than go to Wal-Mart. It's depressing. My cashier today looked as if she swallowed a peeled squished lemon. A lemon filled with razors; she was mean-looking. Not a smile to be doled out to anyone. Ugh.

We also went to the Flea Market today. One we had never been to before. Again, mish-mosh of all kinds of people, mainly ones with bad dental hygiene. I'm a snob, I know. Rough day. Isabel decided it was melt-down time, and boy did she ever. We ended up leaving because I was not about to have a 2 year old tell me which way I should be going. If I pushed the stroller left, she'd wail "NOOOOO, THIS WAYYYYYY!!!" and disolve into tears. She was in desperate need of quiet time. Way too much stimulation for all her senses there. People pushing dogs in strollers, a man pushing a skunk in a stroller (I kid you not). Why are you bringing your dogs to the flea market? I don't understand this. I know you love your dog, but no matter how you dress it, it's not a child, it's a dog and it does not need to be in a stroller. Poor humiliated pooches. I am of the mindset that dogs need to have a purpose to their day. Fetch something, herd something, dig something, not be pushed around in the stroller. Don't get me started on skunk guy.

Back in the sanctuary of our home, we are watching a movie called "Zoom." (don't bother) We just took a break to put Isabel to bed.

"Into the Woods", Buffy Season 5 Episode 10

Spin the Bottle - 01/22/2007

LADYS DRINK FREE 7-10 P.M.

That's right. LADYS. That's how it was spelled on the sign in front of a local bar. We saw this on the way to the mall yesterday & Jake pointed it out. Good thing *he* knows it's spelled wrong.

Another one in Longwood: The ResTUarant. Not the restaurant, the restuarant. In big, bold red letters, permanently affixed to the front of the building. We drive by it and say "Who wants to eat at the ResTOOOOO-a-rant?" By the way, you don't want to. It is beyond greasy spoon. I went in once, and that was enough. They can't spell AND they can't cook.

A sign on each pump at a Longwood gas station, asking people to prepay and apologizing for the "inconveanants". After staring for a while, trying to figure this little gem out, I took a pen and wrote the right spelling on the sign in front of me. I did not dare to change the other 7 mispelled signs, though. What am I, a freak or something?

Also, it's not a "Mute Point." Please, stop. Please. You're killing me. The point is not mute, nor is it Moo, Joey. (Although Joey's reasoning IS funny.) It's Moot. It's a Moot Point.


P.S. READ "The Lovely Bones." Don't be put off by my not liking one part of the entire book. A few people (5) have commented that they loved the book. It may just be me being weird about one part. READ. It's good stuff!

Smile Time - 01/06/2007

The year: late 1995/early 1996.

Jake is either 2 or almost 2. I was feeling HORRIBLE. I had the flu. It was "winter," (Florida winter is SO not winter.) and I was ill.

Jake's dad helped me up the stairs of the two-story condo we were renting and started a bubble bath for me. He then sat Jake on the toilet seat (lid down), to keep me company. There are bubbles everywhere and Jake is jabbering away. As bubbles move away from covering certain strategic places, Jacob points and HAPPILY SHRIEKS, "A puppy!! A puppy!!" Jake's dad runs up the stairs in a panic, as he heard me sputtering and, what he thinks, is painful spasm-yelling. What he finds is me, in pain, but laughing HYSTERICALLY. It hurt to laugh (I had a very raw, sore throat), but I could not help it, and I sputtered away as I tried to explain what Jacob had just said.

The year: 1996 or so.

The place - my 1994 Honda Civic two-door car. I am driving, Jake is in the back seat directly behind me, in his car seat. "Here Mommy." He wants to hand me something, but he is directly behind me. I say "Hold on, baby," and continue driving. "Here mommy. Here mommy. Mommy, here. Mommy. MOMMY HERE!" I contort my right hand around the back of my chair and put my hand somewhere near him, palm up. He gives me whatever it is he is yelling about. I pull my hand back up front....to find a booger firmly squashed in my palm.

The year: 1998. The Place: Winn Dixie grocery store.

(Publix is another grocery store chain here too). Jake, around 4, and I are grocery shopping. He decides he is going to sass me in front of other patrons. I pull him aside and sternly say "Don't you dare talk back to me in public!!" His eyes well up, he starts to cry and he says "But we're not IN Publix, we're in Winn Dixie!"

Happy Friday!

Life Serial - 10/24/2006

Learned a few things these past few days.

• 
  My grandma only went to school though 4th grade. She said her dad took her out once she learned to write. They didn't want her writing love notes to boys. Abuelo only through 3rd. He's so intelligent. He's self-learned. Abuelo was born in 1923. His mom was 37 when she died - my age. He was 14 and thought she was ancient then.
• 
  My sister Brenda is a rock. She may be a hot head, and quite possibly nuts, but she is a rock. When the chips are down, she is there. She told me she was glad that this happened at my house, because I am so patient and strong. *blows raspberry* Whatever. I was just so grateful she was here. I was so proud of her when, in a blink of an eye, she made a split-second decision to rise above some personal things with other people, for the sake of my grandma. So proud of her.
• 
  The second floor of Fish Memorial is worked on the weekends by only good-looking people. It's true. Ask Brenda.
• 
  Grandma has a funny sense of humor. She grabs grandpa's butt. She hates hospital food, and dang it!! put some salt on this food!
• 
  My grandparents saw a tv show while in Miami about snakes and people who eat snakes. No clue what the show was, but they now insist that Florida is inundated, is teeming, with snakes and we all eat them on a daily basis.
• 
  The same story, after being told a 5th time...not so funny anymore.
• 
  A toddler and an 83 year old together are the Cutest. Thing. Ever. Mrs. Squeaklefritz is enjoying the heck out of abuelo.
• 
  Conspiracy theories are not just for the young.
• 
  Going back to work after one & a half working days off is like...taking a week off. Geezumpete! The piles. The mess. They can't do without me. LOL
• 
  Cafeteria food stinks. Vending machine coffee is putrid. I drove to a local coffee shop to get my abuelo & me some coffee. Alas, abuelo says no one knows how to make coffee in America.
• 
  When YOU are sick in the hospital, how will YOU feel when your son/sister/granddaughter/niece/cousin tells you they are too sick, too tired, it's too far for them to visit you? Will you remember the time YOU were not there for your mom/sister/grandma/aunt/cousin? Remember. Karma's gonna bite you in the arse.
  

(Life Serial, Buffy Season 6, Episode 5)

Lessons - 10/06/2006

If the current fiasco involving Republican Senator (senator, right?) Foley has not taught you anything, you need to go back to school. We live in a society now where anything we say, or more importantly anything we type, can come back and bite you in your nethers. If you think no one is reading, you are a fool. You think these e-mails and IM's go away once you hit delete? Please. That little bit of information is not only saved on the recipient's e-mail address, but your computer, and the server of the e-mail provider you are using. Let's also not forget that ever-popular "forward" button. Lord forbid you work for a company with an IT department. They ARE reading your e-mail and probably have some e-mail policy saying they can do so. Pay attention class: if it's something you do not want to get out, something private and personal...pick up a phone. Or better yet, talk to the person face to face. Information is everywhere. You can't stop the signal.

"Lessons," Buffy Season 7, Episode 1

Inca Mummy Girl - 09/21/2006

Seriously. When will I ever use this title? Never. LOL So, a random title for a random blog.
Let's say you have to get out of the car after you have parked it, but you need to walk around and get something out of the passenger seat; something bulky or whatever. Do you walk around the front of your car? Or do you swing around the back? I go around the back and I DON'T KNOW WHY!! It's so weird. I catch myself doing it all the time. I would think going around the front would be quicker (shorter front end than tail), but I still go around the back. Did my mom instill in me a fear of walking in front of cars? Am I trying to get more exercise?(psshhhyea, right) No clue, but I find it weird.

Tomorrow I'm going to get re-certified for CPR & First Aid. A whole day out of the office. Yay! So, if I'm ever around and you're...say..gagging, I'm your gal.

What else, what else. Oh yeaaa....yesterday, I'm changing our girl into her pj's. There's a mirror on her changing table, so she's looking at herself as I take off her shirt. (I typed shity - LOL my fingers were on the wrong keys!!) So, she points to her teeeeeeeny little baby nip and says "Booby!" I just stare and say "What did she say?" Jake's laughing out in the loft and says "Yea, David taught her that today." Nice.

Where the Wild Things Are - 09/17/2006

These love bugs are driving us BONKERS! If you're not from the south/southeast, you may not know what a love bug us. Meet a love bug couple.

These pesky little things only come out twice a year; now and I think some time in March. They are pains in the butts. They fly around while mating, just like the picture above. Yup, they fly around like that. They swarm everywhere and their physical make-up ruins your car's finish. This physical make-up also deters other predators (lizards, spiders) from eating them. They think the love bugs are gross too. Contrary to Urban Lore, they were NOT created in a lab at the University of Florida. Their first reported sighting was actual in the early 1930's in Texas. These suckers are SWARMING around our house. Tons of dead ones can be found littering our front and back doors. The living ones are all hovering around everywhere. They get in the house every time we open a door. David and our girl tend to squish them all day long, and I get to clean up with the broom. *sigh*

New Topic: David thinks it's funny/weird that when I go to check out at the grocery store, I put things on the moving belt based on where they will go in my house. The refrigerated items all go together, the freezer items go together, the pantry items all go together. I sort, David laughs, but...when we get home, I can grab one bag and head for the fridge. I don't have to dance between the pantry, the fridge, the freezer. I am *so* efficient, aren't I? Don't laugh or I'll poke you with the carrots.

Earshot - 09/07/2006

My son has to ride his bike 1.7 miles to school and 1.7 miles back. Uphill. Both ways. Barefoot. In snow. Ok, I made the snow part up. He rides almost 3.5 miles a day. The kid has thinned out and shot up. He's gorgeous.

The large road that our Drive is off of was the "detour" road to be taken by people for when another road was under construction. Since we moved in, this large road near us was very busy. Now, they have re-opened the other road, and ours is no longer the detour road. It's great. The main road off ours is almost deserted. I mentioned that one day last week to my son. He said something to the effect of "Yea. When I ride my bike home, I stop at the intersection of *our street & main road* and just listen to the wind. You can hear the wind in the trees, now that there aren't so many cars. It's relaxing." He's a poet at heart.

Lie to Me - 08/18/2006

David told me some time last week that he did not want the walls covered in pictures. That our last house, much smaller than this one, was overrun with pictures on our walls. I should be taking picture frames down from the wall, and putting newer ones in the frames, not putting new frames with new pictures up. *gasp* Blasphemy! Away with this line of thinking...away!!
Hi, have we met? My name is Kaaren and I love taking & showing off pictures of my beautiful family - kids, husband, sisters, parents, nieces, nephews, in-laws (when they send pictures..*grumble grumble*). I am a picture-taking fool and so help me....every inch of wall space in this house will be covered in pictures!! *shakes fist to sky* OK, not really. But still.

We're working in our daughter's room. She's technically not in her room. She is another room while we work on hers. There's painting to be done, shelves to be put up, a ceiling fan to be installed, a toy chest we are staining, etc. We chose Disney colors and they are so beautiful. Tinkerbell Greens and Purples. No, we're not decorating with Tinkerbell, we just liked the colors. I have commissioned my sister Brenda to do a painting for us. Rather than having her do a mural on the wall, she's painting on a 30" x 40" canvas. This way, when our girl outgrows the picture, we take it off the wall, rather than repaint the wall. I sent Brenda the Disney paint card samples. She's doing Dora, Diego & Boots. She started today and was sending me camera-phone pictures as she worked and progressed. It looks cool! I would post the pictures, but they are SO tiny, you can't see the details. Eventually, we'll have her room done, and you can see Brenda's handiwork.

My son is taller than me. Drat.

Never Kill a Boy on the First Date - 05/24/2006

I was talking yesterday with my brother-in-law, David's youngest brother, about how David and I met. When I told him, he thought I was kidding. So did David's mom, for that matter. So, it's share-time.

Back in 1998-1999, cell phones did not have the great plans they have now. Free nights, weekends, free calls between network people, etc. Also, I didn't have a cell phone. :) I talked to my sister Vicky practically every day, but the long-distance bills were rough. We got AOL and talked all the time via IM instead. We would be up till 2 a.m. addicted to AOL. Vicky had an ad with AOL's dating service. It used to be called Love at AOL (now, it's actually merged with Match.com). She would send me links of all the scary guys who would answer her ad (she got TONS of replies) and I would laugh with her, . She started sending me links to guys in Orlando - scary guys. We'd laugh at them all, because "occasionally, I'm callous and strange". . She sends me a link and writes "This one's cute." I open it and it is a picture of David. She also IM's "Aaaand he's on-line right now. I dare you!" Yup, I did. I sent David an IM. He said he was busy and had to leave and could I send him a picture, since I had already seen his. (he was on his way out on a date, by the way). I sent the picture and thought that was that.

The next day, I get an IM when I am on-line because, again - addicted to AOL. We talked on the phone and via e-mail and eventually set up a date. We met at Applebee's and had dinner. He was goofy, but I have a thing for goofy guys. (side bar - David had a date w/someone else that he cancelled after meeting me - LOL)

Yada yada yada.....MARRIED. OK, not that fast. We dated 3 years before we got married.
And that's our story.

Dopplegangland - 05/21/2006

So, when did JC Penney become Sears? Really, when? I went there last night with my daughter. I've noticed this in the past. This store is always having these amazing sales, almost as if they were going out of business. I have noticed this change for about a year, as well as a lack of customer service.

I'm not rich by any stretch of the imagination. Shopping at JC Penney does not bother me. They have cute things at cheap prices. I know several people in my circle of family/friends/co-workers that would turn their nose up at it. (Like one who complains about being in debt, and then shops at high end stores or spends $85 on a pair of shoes. There may be a correlation between the being broke thing and the shopping thing.) Lately, I could see their point in turning their nose up. The store here in Altamonte Springs is a mess. A mess. Anyone who knows me, knows that I can't do messy stores. I want to organize things, fold things and put clothes back where they belong. lol There are hardly any employees working the floor. I had to walk to another department to find someone. There are no longer cashiers in every department. Now, there are "customer service" centers in main aisles. One or two cashiers handle several departments, and there is almost always a line. I feel like I'm at Wal-Mart, or Sears. Sears started this "Customer Service" centers thing a while back. Then again, they are now owned by K-Mart, so maybe that's why I get the Wal-Mart feel in these stores.

I got the cute brown shoes for $20. They are technically for work, so some people may find them dull. I'm going to wear them with these brown wide-legged slacks ($20) and a blue shirt. I'm trying to dress nicer for work.