Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes, Knees and Toes - 11/19/2007

The inventor of the annual female exam MUST have been a man. Who else could come up with this stuff? Men, just turn around. Click the "back" button. No need to go further. Women plumbing is not for you.

I call this my "annual overhaul." I work in a place where the all the equipment gets checked and serviced every time it goes out the door, but once a year, the motors must also have an "annual overhaul." On the calendar at work, it said "Kaaren in late; Annual Overhaul."

I have never been a fan of this exam, but have never really had any horror stories. I have been blessed with really great doctors. I have two actually that I use; my regular practitioner (who I call Egon)

and my OBGYN, who I will call Theresa, as she is a saint. They are in separate offices. Egon's staff are the ones who did Jake's toe. My OBGYN was booked through December, so I scheduled my appointment at my regular doctor's office and got the new nurse to do the job.

The new chair almost had me laughing aloud. It was a regular old chair and next thing I know, it's an inverted U and I'm all over the place. It was possibly the best annual exam, as far as these go. I felt not a darned thing. And the new nurse practitioner was SOOOOO NICE. She gets an A+.

Let's fast-forward to this morning. I have another exam to do. This one involved drinking 32 ounces of water before arriving. I did so, got to the office early, and sat in the waiting room. And waited. And Waited. And Waited. I would like for you to measure out 32 ounces of water, drink it in a half hour period and then not pee...for 2 & 1/2 hours. I was crying, really crying, in the waiting room. I felt like such a fool, but I have never had my bladder this full in my LIFE. I was hyperventilating. I was convincing my self to be calm, while also convincing myself to forget this crap, cancel the appointment and just go pee. It was the worst feeling I have ever had.

The receptionist saw me crying and said "We'll be right with you." Five minutes and I am in the exam room. Fifteen MORE torturous minutes and I am finally allowed to use the rest room.

Go, drink 32 ounces. Let me know how it goes for you. *gag*