After Life - 05/11/2006

On the way to make my flight this past Sunday out of Orlando, I got a call from my ex. His mother passed away that day. My son's grandmother. I stood in the airport and cried. I'm sure people thought I was just crying because I was leaving someone. I wanted to tell yell out that this was more important than that. That tough old broad passed away. My son lost his grandmother before he even became a teen. And there I was, on my way to Seattle for a business meeting, flying away from him.


My M-I-L (we still called each other mother & daughter-in-law, even though I was remarried. I had her grandchild and nothing could change that for us) terrified me when I first met her. I was 19. She was THE BOSS and no one forgot it. She was meticulous, clean. If we showered in her bathroom, we had to wipe everything down in the shower with a towel - the walls, the floor if we dripped, the sink if we spilled water there. I was so afraid to drop crumbs on her floor.


She was a strong woman. Her first husband left her with 4 kids. She had 5 kids. One died at age 3 in the backyard lake, before my ex was born. Then she met Al. This man, a Marine, married this woman and adopted her kids. He took care of them (he is truly an amazing man). He was a Marine (Sir, Yes Sir!) and still....she was the boss. They raised 4 kids and 3 aren't so bad. Hee hee. I'll behave. She & Al even took in my ex's first son (my son's half brother) and raised him since he was about 2 years old. My ex gave up his parental rights to him before I ever met him. I met J's big brother when he was 3. He is now...19 I think, and a really good kid. He lost not only his grandmother, but really, his mom.


She smoked. Her husband, children and grandchildren constantly nagged, pleaded and yelled. She ignored. They nagged some more. She ignored some more. Then, I want to say in late 2003, she was diagnosed with lung cancer.


We had about 2 & 1/2 years with her. She was an hour away. My ex would not come see my son, but my M-I-L would still call me and ask if I could bring J over for the weekend. I would drive the one hour there and back to drop him off, and the hour there and back to pick him up. I wanted him to know his family. Just because his father and I were no longer together did not mean that I disliked his family. I love them. They have always been there for me. Buying J clothes or saving clothes from their kids for me. J's aunt buying me school supplies when I could not figure out how I was going to pay for them. They are great people. I wanted J to be part of their lives.


She went down-hill pretty quick. I hadn't seen her in a few months. J went to their house to spend the night last weekend, the weekend before she passed. He said it was like a party. One of their many, many, many family get-togethers. I miss those. Even with all the arguing & bickering.


I will miss her. Nancy, I will miss you.